Truth and Lies: Facts and Fictions About Being Transgender

     When I came out as a trans woman, I was met with love by some, confusion by others, and silence by many.  I realized quickly that many people don't understand what it means to be transgender - and worse, they're often misled by myths that do real harm.

    So, I'd like to set the record straight.  Here's a list of common statements made about trans people - some true, some false - and why it matters to get them right.

• Trans people choose to be trans.
• False:  Being trans isn't a lifestyle or phase - it's who we are.  No one chooses their gender identity any more than they choose their hair color.
• Gender identity is the same as sexual orientation.
• False:  Gender identity is about who you are.  Sexual orientation is about who you're attracted to.  They're separate, and both are valid.
• Trans people can be straight, gay, bi, or anything else.
• True:  just like anyone else, trans people have diverse sexual orientations.  A trans woman who loves women?  That's a lesbian.  A trans man who loves men?  That's a gay man.
• All trans people want surgery.
• False:  Some do, some don't.  Transition is personal.  It can be medical, social, legal, all or none of the above.  There's no one "right" way to be trans.
• Trans women are women.
• True:  This isn't up for debate.  All identities are real, valid, and worthy of respect.
• You can tell someone is trans just by looking at them.
• False:  Gender identity isn't always visible.  Making assumptions can be harmful - and often wrong.
• Trans people face a higher rate of discrimination and violence.
• True:  Especially trans women of color.  This is why visibility, advocacy and allyship matter so much.
• Using the wrong pronouns is no big deal.
• False:  Personally, I refuse to let being misgendered upset me greatly.  Yes, it's a big boost when I'm referred to by the proper pronoun, but it's a relief to friends and loved ones when they realize that misgendering me won't crush me.  But, most people don't have my personal level of constitution.
• Children can know they're trans from an early age.
• True:  Many of us knew at a young age.  I can't say that I understood the nuances of what was going on, but I did recognize that I wasn't like other boys.  Instead of understanding and support, I was given a harsh "correction", and made to conceal my true self.
• Being trans is a mental illness.
• False:  Being trans is not a disorder.  But, the stigma and rejection we face can harm our mental health.
• Legal recognition of gender varies by place.
• True:  Some states and countries make it easy to update documents.  Others make it damn near impossible.
• Trans people are a new phenomenon.
• False:  We've always been here.  From the Hijra of south Asia to the Two-Spirit people of North America's indigenous cultures, gender diversity is ancient and global.

Why This Matters

    Misinformation doesn't just confuse people, it isolates us.  It fuels policies that hurt us.  It makes it harder for trans kids to grow up safe and proud.  If, for instance, I had been given support, rather than forced into concealment, I would've been more likely to flourish.  That's why I speak up.  That's why I write!

    If you've learned something from this, please, share it.  If you've unlearned something, that's even better!  If you're an ally, put your allyship into action and share this in order to help educate others.  And if you're trans and reading this:  I see you!  You're not alone!