A Day of Doubts

    Yesterday was a really bad day.  I mean... there weren't any disasters, no one was sick.  Nothing like that.  It's what was going on in my head that was the problem.  It seemed like every social media platform I logged onto yesterday morning was filled with anti-trans propaganda.  It didn't take long before I started thinking, "I really shouldn't be doing this."  I almost called the clinic to tell them to take me off their patient list, but I'm pretty stubborn so I resolved to hold off on that.  I didn't say anything to my wife about my doubts.  I thought I had kept it pretty well to myself but I forgot, my wife knows me better than I know myself.

    This morning, I decided to mention it to my wife who looked at me and said, "I know.  You forget I know you."  Well... yeah... sometimes I do.  She told me that no matter what I decide to do, she would be here to support me.  But, the way the negativity affected me...  I've only begun taking testosterone blockers, and I don't intend to get the bottom surgery!  These trans folks who are suicidal are mostly post-operative, and they're dealing with all those douchebags telling them the same shit I was being inundated with yesterday.  "You're a piece of shit.  You're worthless.  You shouldn't be alive."  Now, that isn't what people were directly saying, but you get the idea that's what they were thinking.  If you tell people that often enough (it doesn't matter if they're trans, or not), they're going to get depressed.  And if they get depressed enough, suicide seems like a good thing.  And, honestly, their blood is on the hands of all the people who badgered and browbeat them.  My day of doubts ended, but I'm likely to have more.  I'm not likely to commit suicide because of my beliefs, and my kick ass support system.  (Sorry to disappoint.)  But, not everyone believes as I do, or has the support I have.

    A little while ago, I saw part of a video in which a man was going on about the trans community.  "You don't own the English language," he said.  "You can't insist what I can call you."  I just scrolled on by.  But I could tell by the look on his face that he was angry and, maybe, just a little hateful.  No, he doesn't have to call us what we would like to be called.  In fact, I prefer that he not talk to or about us at all.  That would take care of the issue right now.  People like that need to remember that street goes both ways, though.  Just as we can't insist what he should call us, he can't insist on what we call him.  He would probably prefer "sir", "him", "he"...  Personally, I'd call him... "Bitch".  And, using his very own logic, he can't argue!

    As a community, we need to stand together.  I think "they" mean to push us to the point of suicide.  We need to be watching out for each other and not let them kill us off by proxy.  We're a small group, but if we make enough noise, maybe we can get them to back off.