Doubts

    Okay... so, maybe you've read that I have my doubts about going through with my transition.  It's true!  But, this is a HUGE move!  I said I would move forward with the plan, right?  Well...

    There's a lot to take into consideration.  While I'm thinking it over, I'm going to continue taking my t-blockers because if my final decision is to continue, I don't want to have to start all over again.  When it comes time to start taking estrogen, I'm sure I will.  It's the progesterone that might hang me up.  If I haven't made up my mind definitively by then, it just wouldn't be a sound idea to go further until I do.  Right?  I mean, why start growing breasts if I decide to keep faking like I'm a masculine male?  No, it's not as if I think I can take some pills, get an operation and, tada, I'd be a woman.  Well... not a biological (real) woman, but a transwoman, yes: which, of course, isn't the same.  For me, that's an important distinction to keep in mind, and one I think if we all believed in, we could sway legislators over to our side.  You see, I'm not doing this to be a woman.  I'm simply doing this so that my body reflects (gender expression) my feminine (gender) inner self (identity).  That shouldn't be anybody's business, but my own.  But...

    Now, I'm not among those who think that transwomen should be allowed to compete in women's sports; at least not for 3 - 5 years.  To my trans sisters and their supporters... sorry, not sorry.  Research shows that it takes that much time to reduce your muscle mass and strength to the point to where you would be on a par with cisgender women.  If you want to compete in women's sports, you should have to wait until your body is feminine enough to make the competition fair.  After that time, however, you should be allowed to compete, as long as it's proven that you won't have an unfair advantage over your cisgender female opponents.

    It's those trans among us who insist that we're exactly the same as cisgender women that are muddying the waters for all of us.  You're the reason why unfair laws are now being passed in various states, and will likely be passed in D.C., to deny trans rights.  Your outright belief in our sameness with cisgender women is also the reason that the vast majority of cisgender folks think that we're all mentally ill.  You are also the reason why transfeminine males, like myself, have to wonder and second guess ourselves.  You claim to want fairness for the trans community, but you need to stop and realize that this fairness you're trying to force is actually something that takes time:  It comes in stages.  You really need to be patient!  Instead, you're the ones actually being unfair to natural born women.  That's something I cannot get behind.

    About fairness...  I know people don't like to talk about fairness if it means looking at something they don't like to look at.  "Life's not fair," they'll say.  That's true, life isn't fair.  But we should always strive to be fair with one another.  Even if it means giving a nod to someone you don't like.  You know, years ago, I heard a radio talk show host tell his listeners (which I happened to be one of at the time) that along with our rights comes an unwritten set of responsibilities.  For instance (and I know this won't go over well with a lot of people), along with your right to free speech comes the responsibility to defend the same right for others, no matter how distasteful you find what they're saying.  Example:  You don't like some things I've said on this blog, I'm sure.  But you are charged, by the very nature of freedom, to defend my right to say (or write) them.  Because if "they" can take away my freedom to express myself, you don't stand a chance to keep your freedom to express yourself when the pendulum swings the other way (which it always does) and the other side holds power.

    Venezuela has recently outlawed being trans.  I'm sure other countries have done, or are going to do, the same.  One would think that here in America, where you're supposed to be free to live your life on your own terms, we would be free to be trans.  But, no.  Even in the supposed land of the free, we're not.  Attitudes towards the trans community have to change, but I have little hope in that.  If you're trans, or pro-trans, you need to call or email your state legislators and tell them to vote against any and all anti-trans legislation that comes before them.  I don't think they'll listen, to be honest, but it's our only chance.

    In freedom and community!