Intersectionality Series Pt. 1: Transgender - Handicap Intersectionality and My Fucked Up Life

    As a child with a bad leg and a speech impediment, I grew up believing that I was a freak.  Nobody wants to be a freak.  Right?  Then, as if that wasn't enough, I realized early on that I liked both, boys and girls, and I heard in church that that was wicked.  "Oh no," I thought.  "I'm going to Hell.  God will never love me," I cried.  And if all that wasn't enough, I grew up with a sex addiction, thanks to a certain adult male in my extended family getting his jollies with my mouth when I was about five.  I was doomed!  I just knew it!
    When I was eleven, my mother, who was the only person from whom I received solace, passed away.  In one fell swoop, I was suddenly with no hope, whatsoever.  A couple of years after that is when it first happened.  That's when I experienced gender dysphoria for the first time.  I was thirteen years old.  I couldn't understand the thoughts going through my head.  The only thing that made sense to me was the thought that I was a freak; an unlovable, fucked up freak.
    For years, I bad-mouthed transgender people; as if that would help me be a better person.  I spoke poorly of anyone who wasn't heterosexual, hoping no one would see the things I was doing.  And, trust me, I was doing a lot.  Nobody saw that everything I was saying was said out of absolute self-hate, except one person... my amazing wife.  To say I wanted to die wouldn't be a stretch, but I wouldn't kill myself because I was raised to believe that if you commit suicide there would be no salvation for you.  I was holding onto the hope that if I treated myself and others similar to me with enough hatred and disgust I might still be redeemable.  But, there is no redemption in hatred.
    What began my turn-around was the commandment that Christ said was the second most important of the Ten Commandments:  "Love your neighbor as yourself."  In other words, "Love those around you the same way you love yourself."  Wait... what?  I'm supposed to love myself?  Whoa!  Why didn't anyone tell me this?  But, wait... in order to love myself, I couldn't be the same contemptible person!  Right then is when things began to click!  I realized one day that those trans women I've always talked down about... I actually admired them!  Next thing I know, I was asking, "Can I be like them?  Can I?  Can I?  Can I?"  So I did what any respectable husband would do and I talked about it with my wife.  You know what?  That woman is genuinely in love with me!  She said I should go for it, and that she would be right here for me every step of the way!  Now, how in the hell did I get this woman to marry me?  I mean, I'm an unlovable, fucked up freak, aren't I?  Or... am I?  Hmm....
    Anyway, I've been taking Estradiol for just over six months and I'm happy with how my breasts have developed, so far.  But...
    As an individual who is both transgender and handicapped, I wondered if there were many others like myself.  I did a little bit of research and it turns out that 39% of transgender people are reportedly handicapped or disabled.  That's a pretty significant number!  It's significant enough to do two things for me.  For one, it tells me I may not be as much of a freak as I was thinking.  Believe me, that takes a lot of worry from my mind.  Also, it makes me really curious what the tie-in is between the two.  I have a theory as far as my own experience is concerned, but 39% is a large enough percentage that there must be more to it.  I'll let you know what I find out later.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Truth and Lies: Facts and Fictions About Being Transgender

      When I came out as a trans woman, I was met with love by some, confusion by others, and silence by many.  I realized quickly that many people don't understand what it means to be transgender - and worse, they're often misled by myths that do real harm.     So, I'd like to set the record straight.  Here's a list of common statements made about trans people - some true, some false - and why it matters to get them right. Trans people choose to be trans. False:  Being trans isn't a lifestyle or phase - it's who we are.  No one chooses their gender identity any more than they choose their hair color. Gender identity is the same as sexual orientation. False:  Gender identity is about who you are.  Sexual orientation is about who you're attracted to.  They're separate, and both are valid. Trans people can be straight, gay, bi, or anything else. True:  just like anyone else, trans people have diverse sexual orientations....
Read more

Blessed Are the Builders: A Call to Heal the Faith of Our LGBTQ+ Family

“ If anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to stumble...” Christ gave a stark warning of retribution and, yet, churches, filled with self-righteous pseudo-Christians, weaponize scripture like stone, bruising souls, rather than healing them, in the name of holiness. I have always believed that ones faith is the sanctuary of their soul. But sanctuaries have become battlegrounds because, somewhere along the way, the Body of Christ mistook uniformity for unity and created theology that wounds the very souls it should be healing. Especially when those souls are LGBTQ+. The harm didn't come from God – it came from those who spoke wrongfully in His name without knowing, or understanding, His heart. What if churches cause individuals to stumble? Romans 14:13 urges us not to set stumbling blocks in the paths of others. “Let us not therefore judge one another anymore; but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother'...
Read more

The Perfect Storm

       Several years ago, my oldest daughter got engaged to be married.  One evening, she called me so that her fiance could properly ask the father of the bride-to-be for permission to marry his intended.  That impressed me!  I thought good breeding was a thing of the past.  It didn't matter to me that he's Mexican-American in the truest sense (meaning he was born in Mexico, immigrated to the U.S. at the age of five, and is a legally naturalized American citizen).  What mattered is that he and my daughter were, and are still, in love.  I know that according to the ultra-liberal mindset, I'm supposed to be a racist because I'm White.  But, racism isn't a White problem; it's a human problem.  I think I'll write a post in the future covering nonsensical ideologies such as the Liberal mindset, the Conservative mindset, binary genderism, etc...  For now, however, I digress.     In the months that followed, my da...
Read more