To Ease Transgender Holiday Stress

    Many have transgender individuals in their families, or in their circle of friends, yet have no idea how to make them feel included and loved during the holiday season.  Here's a little heads up!  Were you aware that this particular time of year is a peak season for suicides?  It's a fact, and quite likely that transfolk will head up that list this holiday season, for lack of support.  What makes it even worse is that some of these lovely souls might not be lost if only silent well-wishers would step up and advocate on their behalf.  However, those well-wishers may not know that they could potentially save a life, or how to in this case.

    Here is something I want you to think about:  In Nazi controlled countries, during the second world war, there were silent sympathizers who hid and fed Jewish people.  Without them, the Jewish death toll would have been much higher.  Those sympathizers were bold people, to say the least - and, yet, six million Jews were put to death because of hate.  Hate is also the platform that gave rise to the evil of the Ku Klux Klan, which organization has murdered untold numbers of Black Americans and once gripped America's southern states with fear.  Not long ago, this same ignorance caused seemingly decent townsfolk in a small southeast Kansas town to talk openly at the local grocery store about how they believe transgender Americans should be killed.  (This last was confided to me in a chat with a lesbian who lives in that town and heard the conversation, herself.)

    Ignorance fuels hate.  You can do your part to end the hate.  Below is a list of things you can do to help:

1. Educate Yourself

Understanding the unique challenges that transgender individuals face is crucial. Educate yourself about transgender issues, terminology, and the importance of using correct names and pronouns. This knowledge will help you become a more effective ally and show your support in meaningful ways. 

2. Use Correct Names and Pronouns

Consistently using a transgender person's chosen name and pronouns is a basic yet powerful way to show respect. If you’re unsure about someone’s pronouns, politely ask them. Avoid making assumptions based on appearance, and correct others if they use the wrong name or pronouns.  (This is one area in which I believe transgender people can help out by not being overly sensitive about their pronouns, and choosing names that share nicknames with their birth name.  For instance, my birth name is Ronald.  My chosen name is Veronika.  Their common nickname is Ronnie, which is what I've been called by many since infancy.  My point here is, we can take steps to make ourselves more acceptable.  If our fate is truly in our own hands, it's up to us, is it not, to make our existence less contradictory to society at large.  As a person who grew up with the bad habit of correcting people, I learned through the years that people don't like to be corrected.  So, if we give them less to need corrected for, and whine less about our pronouns, we can eventually win our rightful place in society.)

3. Be Mindful of Conversations

Family gatherings often involve conversations about personal topics. Be mindful of the questions and comments you make, avoiding intrusive or insensitive remarks about someone’s gender identity. Respect their privacy and don’t pressure them to share more than they’re comfortable with.

4. Create a Safe Space

Ensure that your home or the gathering space is welcoming and inclusive. This could mean having gender-neutral restrooms available, displaying inclusive decorations, or simply creating an environment where everyone feels safe to be themselves.

5. Offer Support

Transgender individuals may feel isolated or anxious during the holidays. Offer your support by being a listening ear and validating their feelings. Let them know that you’re there for them and willing to help in any way they need.

6. Include Them in Activities

Make an effort to include transgender individuals in holiday activities and traditions. This inclusion helps foster a sense of belonging and normalcy. If they prefer to skip certain activities, respect their choices and offer alternative ways to celebrate together.

7. Be an Advocate

Use your voice to advocate for transgender individuals within your family and community. This could involve challenging discriminatory remarks, educating others, or supporting inclusive policies and practices. Your advocacy can help create a more accepting and affirming environment for everyone.

8. Check In After the Holidays

The post-holiday period can also be challenging. Check in with your transgender friends and family members to see how they’re doing and offer continued support. Your ongoing efforts can make a significant difference in their well-being.

Conclusion

The holidays can be a difficult time for transgender individuals, but with the right support and allyship, it can also be a period of joy and connection. By educating yourself, using correct names and pronouns, creating safe spaces, and advocating for inclusion, you can help make the holiday season a positive and affirming experience for transgender people in your life.

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